I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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