Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
