i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
