dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
