I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
