And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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