I should be sponsored by Trojan
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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