Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
