I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
soo... how was my night?
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