Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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