I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
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