you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
