Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You need a sexual gate keeper
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize