i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
