do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
