I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
