New low: just hacked my moms facebook
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
