Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
