dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
