oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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