Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My penis needs a shock collar
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize