I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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