After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
