Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
