I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
