This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
