too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
