Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
