I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
