so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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