I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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