it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
oh god was she eating orange peels again
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
