Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
