i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
