I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
