you would pick up someone in the library
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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