maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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