finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
