people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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