Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
