You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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