Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
