my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
