woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
