Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
