I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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