how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My bed smells like the plague
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
