I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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