Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
