i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
