dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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