my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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