Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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