i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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