There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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