i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
