Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
last night I used snow as a chaser
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
