i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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