told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
