hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Randomize
