I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
