So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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