we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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